Hopeful

Hopeful visits me each morning
He tells me that man is ruled by a tyrant
whose name is Ignorance
and given half a chance
He would seek to overthrow that tyrant
if only I would throw him some scraps of food . . .
I tell him I have no authority to fulfil his wishes
or indeed to fill his feathered belly
and why doesn’t he go fish
like all good fisherbirds do?
Hopeful tells me authority is based on falsehoods
whereas knowledge is authority based on truth
and why shouldn’t I throw him some scraps
as he is poor and I am surely rich
and man should not be ruled by the tyrant called Ignorance
but by knowledge instead . . .
Or by conscience I reply
for if I feed you my scraps
you will forget how to fish
like the fisherman who forgets to wake
and misses the tide . . .
Ah, the ‘time and tide that waits for no man’ saying
spoke Hopeful with reproach
is not your conscience the amount of inner knowledge you possess?
but for me that time is running out
and those tides share little fish . . .
Hopeful tried fixing me with his beady eye
but I was having none of it
I said: one day the tide will turn back in your favour
and what is left will go unsaid . . .
Let’s hope, said Hopeful, not convinced
that when that time does come
it will not be too late . . .
He stretched his neck to the heavens
and like all our morning chats
it ended with a defiant shit
a fearsome screech
and a preening of the wings
but sadly no scraps for lunch

With thanks to Hopeful the Seagull in St. Ives and Victor Hugo.

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Consuming

Was it worth it?
The new jewellery for the wife
And the plastic toys for the children

It’s just a tumour that has spread around the globe
By the men and women that live here
Soon we’ll be consuming again

Well, they’ll ask us
The children all cry, what will you do?
To change your ways by next Christmas

It’s just a tumour that has spread around the globe
Somebody said the oceans got filled in
With all the plastic we discarded
The result of this consuming

Without any thought for our world
Shopping for dear life
When we should be saving our home

It’s just a tumour that has spread around the globe
A news report of a washed up dolphin
Within a few years, we’ll be suffering
Notifying our children, we got it wrong

It’s all we’re skilled in
We will be consuming again

Without any thought for the world
Shopping for dear life
When we should be saving our home

It’s all we’re skilled in
We will be consuming again

Without any thought for the world
Shopping for dear life
When we should be saving our home
When we should be saving our home
When we should be saving our home

(to the tune of ‘Ship Building’ by Elvis Costello)

Instant Karma for the Human Race (with apologies to John & Yoko)

Global warming’s gonna get you
It’s gonna drown you in your bed
You better get your shit together
‘cos pretty soon you’re gonna be dead

What in the world were you thinking of?
Buying all that trash you said you loved
What on earth were you trying to forget?
Now it’s up to you to pay it back

Well you will all shine on
In the moon and the stars and the sun
Yes you will all shine on
But no-one will remember you

Yes you will all shine on
In the dust from where you came from
Yes you will all shine on
It’s down to you, and only you

on and on and on . . .
on and on and on . . .

(repeat until your dying breath)

C’mon Nature!

Hedgehogs!
Stop crossing busy roads and getting squashed you numbskulls.
Birds!
Stop migrating over lands where you’ll get shot, netted, eaten or stuffed.
Badgers!
Stop mixing with cattle and risk being culled for allegedly spreading TB.
Dolphins!
Stop smiling and acting like you want to entertain us in tiny cramped pools.
Whales!
Stop going near Japan, Iceland, Norway, Eskimos and harpoons ffs.
Elephants!
Stop growing your ivory tusks and you’ll avoid being poached.
Rhinos!
Stop growing your pointy horns and you’ll also avoid being poached.
Fish!
Stop swimming in large shoals which are easily detected by trawler men.
Pandas!
Stop being so lazy and get shagging to save your species. D’oh!
Turtles!
Stop eating plastic and sticking straws up your noses you idiots.
Tigers!
Stop burning bright in the forests of the night and get yourselves more camouflaged.
Apes!
Stop lagging behind in the evolution stakes and get like your cousins instead.
Woolly Mammoths!
Stop dozing in the Siberian tundra and get your DNA checked out.
Dodos!
Stop being dead as a dodo and start making an unexpected comeback.
Trees!
Stop standing still and start acting like the Ents in Lord of the Rings.
Nature!
C’mon! Fight back!

Genesis Reversal

On Monday
a last lonely animal was killed
and the last greedy man took his fill
one last supper and one last thrill

On Tuesday
fish and birds disappeared
nowhere safe for them to dwell
time indeed to bid a fond farewell

On Wednesday
sun and stars all quickly dimmed
the waning moon turned to hide
showed only its colder darker side

On Thursday
land and plants began to whither
browns replaced the healthy greens
dusty winds blew hither and thither

On Friday
sky and sea could not be seen
the tides retreated indefinitely
tamed for all eternity

On Saturday
night and day became the same
the last remaining rainbows frayed
and faded to the greyest greys

On Sunday
our silent planet took a rest
reflected on what might have been
if humans hadn’t made such an awful mess

of running such a perfect place . . .

 

river

I know where you have come from
but not what you contain
I know where you are flowing
with your toxic brew to drain

I wash in you and worship you
as millions often do
I watch as you float past me
to flush our waste into the sea

I know we hold the answers
to cure your deadly pain
I know I’m but a poor man
a large family to maintain

I hope that help comes quick
before our children all fall sick
I wish for purer waters
to cleanse us mortal sinners

I know where you have come from
I know where you will go
I pray you’ll send a sign one day
to help us change our ways

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photo credit Vikram Sharma / Daily Mail Online