C’mon Nature!

Hedgehogs!
Stop crossing busy roads and getting squashed you numbskulls.
Birds!
Stop migrating over lands where you’ll get shot, netted, eaten or stuffed.
Badgers!
Stop mixing with cattle and risk being culled for allegedly spreading TB.
Dolphins!
Stop smiling and acting like you want to entertain us in tiny cramped pools.
Whales!
Stop going near Japan, Iceland, Norway, Eskimos and harpoons ffs.
Elephants!
Stop growing your ivory tusks and you’ll avoid being poached.
Rhinos!
Stop growing your pointy horns and you’ll also avoid being poached.
Fish!
Stop swimming in large shoals which are easily detected by trawler men.
Pandas!
Stop being so lazy and get shagging to save your species. D’oh!
Turtles!
Stop eating plastic and sticking straws up your noses you idiots.
Tigers!
Stop burning bright in the forests of the night and get yourselves more camouflaged.
Apes!
Stop lagging behind in the evolution stakes and get like your cousins instead.
Woolly Mammoths!
Stop dozing in the Siberian tundra and get your DNA checked out.
Dodos!
Stop being dead as a dodo and start making an unexpected comeback.
Trees!
Stop standing still and start acting like the Ents in Lord of the Rings.
Nature!
C’mon! Fight back!

7 thoughts on “C’mon Nature!

  1. I think you need to ring a certain Mr Attenborough Colin. He’ll put you straight.
    I’m not sure the ranty style is really you my friend. I think I prefer the cool road trip chap!
    Good to get things off your chest though eh? By the way you missed out unicorns!!

    Best G

    Liked by 1 person

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